The Power of Why: The Question That Changes Everything

One of the classic television and movie tropes I grew up with was the encounter where a busy or grumpy adult was stopped in their tracks by an annoying little kid they couldn’t get rid of. Any dismissive statement to placate the kid was infuriatingly met with the innocent question, “Why?”

Without realizing it, I’ve accepted that question as the single most important one we can ask ourselves.

Humans have been asking it in countless ways for millennia:

Why are we here?

Why does the sun rise in the east and set in the west?

Why can’t we sneeze with our eyes open?

It’s the most profound and the most simple of questions. Yet many of us forget to invite it into our everyday thought patterns.

Why We Often Stop at “How” or “What”

Most of us ask ourselves how to do things, or if we should do them. We rarely stop long enough to ask why.

Why am I doing this?

Why do I believe this?

Why do I feel this way?

That single word has the power to derail a conversation, and it’s exactly why scriptwriters love using it for tension and comic relief. “Why” opens up an unending stream of questions—many of which we don’t have the answers to, or aren’t willing to examine.

Think about the last time you said you didn’t like something, only to have someone ask you why. Did you feel defensive? Unsure? Challenged?

The Power of Why in Self-Reflection

Here’s my view: “Why” creates an opportunity (sometimes it feels like a threat) to confirm our values—the very core of who we are.

If we’ve been floating through life making statements as certainties, the moment someone asks us why… we’re bound to come up short.

Even more powerful is when we ask it of ourselves. Especially when emotions are running high. That’s when we can dig deeper:

Why do I feel this way?

Why does this matter so much to me?

Why am I following this rule I set for myself?

This is where “why” stops being a threat and becomes a tool for clarity.

Coaching and the Well-Placed Why

Not surprisingly, “why” is one of my favorite questions to ask clients.

“I think I should take the advice of the expert I was assigned.” “Why?”

“If I stop moving, I’ll never start again." “Why?”

“I want my daughter to confide in me.” “Why?”

It’s not about dismissing beliefs—it’s about modeling what it looks like to be honest with ourselves. A well-placed “why” creates a deliciously long pause where challenge and growth become possible.

It’s the antidote to “shoulding” all over ourselves (more on that soon). It’s the beginning of shifts that put us back in the driver’s seat—off autopilot, and on paths of our choosing.

Your Challenge This Week

If you’re reading this, I invite you to ask yourself why at least once this week. Choose a moment when your emotions are steering the wheel, or when you’re tempted to veer off your goals.

A single question can change everything. That’s the power of why.

Ready to Go Deeper?

If you’re ready for equal doses of challenging questions and supportive guidance, take my Discovery Quiz. It’s your first step toward a Discovery Call where we’ll explore how Pattern + Purpose™ can help you make honest, sustainable shifts.