Why Flow Beats Force: Redefining Success in Work, Life, and Laundry

S-U-C-C-E-S-S! That’s the Way We Spell Success

As the last discussion topic of 2025, I asked members of Entrepreneurs on Orders (my Facebook Group for active duty small business owners — more on that here) how they define success for their businesses. Sports and games, with clear rules and objectives, give distinct definitions for success. 

Life? Not so much. Defining success for our businesses, hobbies, wellness, and other personal goals is distinct for each of us, and often feels forced. We trap ourselves in rigid metrics. A profit margin. A number on a scale or calories counted. The colored-in bubbles on a habit tracker or books finished on a reading log.

Ever the curious mind, I wonder: what would success look like if we chose ease over force? Not just in how we define and connect with success, but in how we move through our days?

The Cost of Force

Let’s start with energy and momentum. Chronic stress contributes to up to 60% of workplace errors, diminishes creativity, and significantly raises burnout risk (American Institute of Stress, 2023). Working under pressure can be powerful for results, but it’s a short-term fuel. 

I don’t know about you, but there’s a stubborn streak in me, that wants to do the absolute opposite of whatever I’m “supposed” to be doing when I’m forced into productivity. Even type-A, left-brained activities that don’t require critical thinking or creative flow create resistance and burnout, despite their auto-pilot nature. Especially when I’m forced into them, by myself or others. My poor mother.  

It’s the difference between seeing laundry as punishment for wearing clothes and existing at all, or enjoying a good folding session as quiet time to let my thoughts wander. 

The difference? Ease vs. Force.

The Struggle: Choosing Ease

“That’s all well and good, Britt,” you might say if we were in a 1960s sitcom.

And I’d reply, “I get it. It’s easier said than done.”

On the outside it might look like we’re going with the flow, but our internal dialog tells a different story. Feeling subjected rather than opted-in creates chronic stress, exhaustion, procrastination, or avoidance — which fuels guilt — which leads us to force ourselves to push through. Wishing life could just… be easier.

Statistics show that flow states improve productivity by up to 500% and boost long-term satisfaction, and self-determined, value-aligned goals increase persistence and fulfillment (Csikszentmihalyi, 1990; Deci & Ryan, 2020). 

At the end of the day, isn’t that what we’re really after?

The Force Paradox

Throwing a switch to choose ease isn’t simple. Sometimes, the force we try to escape is the tool we reach for when seeking ease. Forcing ourselves to relax. Forcing ourselves to grin and bear it.

So what do we do? If we’re ready to seek ease actively, we have options. This is a conscious choice, not a passive hope. Flow beats force, but it takes awareness, practice, and a little trial and error.

Maybe rage folding some towels will do you good. Maybe not. That’s your call.

Finding and Using Your Compass

If blasting Metallica while you origami your intimates doesn't interest you, instead, identify what truly matters in the moment. Us in the coaching biz call that “Values Work”, baby.

It’s really simple: identify what terms and beliefs compose what's most important to you right now. You can also apply this micro assessment to how you plan your day, week, month and year and how you engage with the world around you.

Your values are your compass that guide your every thought, feeling, and action — from noticing your surroundings, to naming your top three priorities, to retreating for a planning session away from the noise. There’s never a bad time to center yourself by revisiting them.

If you’re not navigating ease vs. force in real-time, dedicating time for reflection helps — and not coincidentally it's huge part of Vibe Blocking™. Force can be unconscious. Notice moments you felt drained or “crunchy” and ask: Why was force chosen over ease? How might it have felt if ease was applied? Then look at when ease was your tool of choice — how did that feel before, during, and after?

Long-Game Perspective

Many goal-setting frameworks support this approach. James Clear (Atomic Habits) emphasizes systems over outcomes. Stephen Covey (7 Habits of Highly Effective People) teaches aligning actions with values. This doesn’t mean avoiding challenge — it means investing in the quality of the present moment as much as the outcome.

Think of what creates satisfaction for a stage actor. They don't just stand there and wait for applause, bow, and call it a day — they go through and actually perform the scene, with all its messy lines, flubbed cues, and improvisation in the middle. The latter is where the real fulfillment lives. Even the “messy middle” — a pile of laundry, a challenging project, or a day that feels off-script — can be rich, rewarding, and energizing when approached with ease, attention, and alignment.

Practical Micro-Ease Experiments

If we can’t just flip a switch, how do we bring ease into our everyday lives, beyond reflection and big-picture thinking? 

Here are some micro-ease experiments you can start practicing immediately — small, intentional actions that help you notice when you’re moving with force and gently redirect toward ease:

• Observe: What makes you feel forced rather than aligned? Why?

  
  

• Circle Breathing: Slow, intentional breaths to return to your body and clarity. Try this quick exercise: Inhale for a count of four, hold for four, exhale for four, hold for four — completing one full “circle.” Repeat 3–5 times, noticing how your body relaxes and your mind feels a little lighter.

  
  

• Step Away From Structure: Even if only for an hour – give yourself an opportunity to see what experiences ease leads you to when you don’t feel obligated to fill time.

Flow Beats Force in Action: A Client Story

One of my first coaching clients shared this when I was first developing Vibe Blocking™:

"As a small business owner, mom, and military spouse, I felt completely overwhelmed before coaching with Britt. I was stuck in decision paralysis daily and unsure of how to move forward.

In two sessions, she helped me pinpoint pain points in my routines, redefine success, and create simple, actionable strategies. I laughed, I cried, and walked away feeling empowered, in control, and signed on for more sessions.

With her support and accountability, I became more intentional, accomplished more each day, and made real progress toward my bigger goals. If you’re feeling scattered or stuck, I strongly recommend coaching with Britt!"

Her story shows how ease can transform overwhelm into clarity and measurable progress. How it's intention that really helps you turn the corner to feel truly accomplished.

A Buddy in the Ease vs. Force Battle

The epic battle of ease vs. force is one I’m well acquainted with. When you’re ambitious, responsible, and find joy in order, it’s easy to “should all over yourself”. It’s why I lean into Vibe Blocking™ consistently. 

Until this new modality of choosing ease becomes a default, it’s helpful to have frameworks and techniques that resonate to keep us on track. Our trusty compass can point us in whatever directions we choose, but a map like Vibe Blocking™ can bring us new territory to explore.

If you’re interested in taking an excursion through Vibe Blocking™ with me, book a Discovery Call, and let's see what we can map out together.