Stop "Shoulding" on Your Lawn: Live by Choice, Not by Expectation

I live in a “cookie cutter” neighborhood in America. In that very short and concise sentence, if you’re from here or have ever visited, you probably formulated a near exact picture in your mind. Houses resting shoulder-to-shoulder, varying only slightly in architectural features, lawns divided by a sidewalk at the front edge of each lot.

Homogeneity. Consistency. Uniformity.

Along with that uniformity comes a lot of “shoulds.” What your house should look like. How your lawn should appear. Even how much pride you should display in your little slice of land.

The HOA and the Weight of Expectations

One of the first points of conversation that arose when our Homeowner’s Association rolled over from the contracting builder to the neighborhood’s tenants was lawn appearance. With homes so close together, and the neighborhood being comprised of just one L-shaped street, any inconsistency or change in appearance is noticeable.

To some this is problematic, and the desire for a controlled solution—financial encouragement to manicure nature into compliance—was suggested.

As it turns out, city covenants already cover that common issue, and our little HOA had no need for implementing additional policy to ensure everyone maintains an “agreeable” lawn. Still, the message was clear: there’s a default expectation here of what a lawn should be.

Live by Choice, Not by Expectation in Everyday Life

While my grass isn’t problematic, there are tenacious weeds that sprout up within a week of being dealt with. Summer and spring lay a sheet of small lavender flowers across most of my backyard that remind me of the meadow Alice lays in while singing to Dinah about her own world. Yet I found myself feeling embarrassed or guilty when a few of those clusters of flowers popped up in my front yard this year.

When I’m by myself in my backyard meadow, watching the bees, moths, butterflies, and beetles hop from bloom to bloom, basking in the abundant oasis of color and shade, I’m grateful for my wildflowers. When I look at what everyone else has, I’m judgmental of my weeds and what they broadcast to my neighbors.

Maybe they think I don’t take pride in the home my husband and I have invested in?

Maybe they don’t think I deserve to live in the neighborhood?

Perhaps we’re just irresponsible and our lawn is just an indicator of the disarray within?

Living by choice, not by expectation, helps me step back from these judgments. It reminds me that the way I care for my yard—and my life—is valid when it aligns with my values.

The Power of “I Choose This”

Conscious decision-making is the difference between spending two to three hours mowing, edging, weeding, fertilizing, and pest-treating in utter agony—or in pure bliss. It’s the difference between cringing when you cut a check to the lawn company, or feeling gratitude for the extra time you’ve gained by leaving the work up to the experts.

I cannot understate how powerful it feels to experience aspects of your day with that internal assurance of “I choose this.” Not only does it bring alignment and confidence that you are living with both eyes open, but it allows you the freedom to detach from what everyone else is doing.

It also allows you to appreciate what you have, for what it is: whether that’s a field of flowers or an afternoon spent tending a perfectly edged lawn. Living by choice means finding joy in what you do, rather than adhering to what you feel you “should.”

A Reflection for You

So here’s my reflection for you as a take-away from this lawn-talk:

What “shoulds” are guiding your actions, and which of them actually reflect who you are? What interpretation are you making about your own life that’s informed by how other people are living theirs?

When you live by choice, not by expectation, you reclaim control over your decisions and the joy that comes with them.

If you need help wading through all the "should" lets see if coaching can help. Start by taking my Discovery Quiz.