The Values That Shape My Coaching and Why They Matter

One of the first exercises we’re introduced to as students in iPEC’s Coach Training Program is the Values Assessment. Interestingly, my mentor Haley Thomas of The Passion Pursuit also has her students identify their values early on before diving into other aspects of building their businesses. The only other time I remember values being discussed as important was when picking a life partner. Honestly, I think values should enter the chat more often!

To me, values are the compass we each carry to gauge if we’re heading in the "right" direction—the direction we consciously choose. Naturally, I won’t reinvent the wheel in my coaching style and skip this valuable exercise with my clients. Early on, we’ll lay a foundation of understanding that you’ll build on and move forward with. But don’t be surprised if your values pop up in sessions from time to time, a la Janice from Friends — and you might even find yourself saying, “Oh. My. God!” when the dots start connecting.

Since discovering and naming our values is so important, I wanted to share some of mine and how they show up in my coaching. I spent significant time working with my own coach, Scott Fossler, to objectively weigh and measure these values against how I move through the world. Essentially, I found the roads I was taking in life—and whether I wanted to continue down them.

Trust

The best word I can find to describe my first value is trust. Long before I was driving, I’d wonder if someone weaving through traffic wasn’t being deliberately rude, but rather rushing to the hospital or to visit a friend in need. Recently, when our HOA was creating covenants about grass length, I immediately advocated that considerate neighbors ask if help is needed before taking authoritative action.

We all share this blue dot, but compassion goes further than judgment. There’s always an opportunity to lessen our judgment, give grace, and be curious about better realities. In coaching, I often slip into a mode of "giving the benefit of the doubt" when clients harshly judge or dismiss themselves, or others.

Many of us speak to ourselves in ways we’d never dream of speaking to another person. Some even project their expectations and values onto others. Pressing pause and giving a person or situation a smidge of trust broadens perspective in ways assumption cannot.

Autonomy

While I deeply believe in rising above judgment and showing kindness, I equally honor autonomy. Each of us has the ability to make our own choices and govern our lives based on our values, needs, and beliefs. Self-sovereignty and agency tie closely to this value.

No life is more or less significant or capable of making choices (with exceptions in extreme cases) than another. Maybe it’s my fascination with existential literature from AP English, but when I think about the infinite universe and the unknowns about what comes after life, I find that we’re all equally clueless and trying our best. For that reason, I acknowledge that everyone is entitled to their different experiences and perspectives, which help them develop unique skills and knowledge. Knowledge that they get to choose wield, or not.

There’s no one singular authority that can dictate what’s right or wrong for every single person who ever was, and ever will be (depending on your religious beliefs, but even then you’re practicing autonomy in choosing what to believe). It’s entirely up to each of us to determine our own moral trajectory, whether we want help, and in what manner we’re going to deal with the outcomes of our decisions. I treat each client as the master of their own life, never imposing suggestions or beliefs. Coaching is a partnership, and a large part of my work empowers clients to lean into their autonomy and live authentically.

Creativity

“If I were a rich girl,” it’d be from all the nickels I’d been given each time I hear “I’m not very creative.” Creativity has no boundaries, rules, or expectations. It’s the embodiment of thinking outside the box. It’s not just about art or music; if you imagine or express something meaningful, you’re creative. If you think of something in a new or useful way, you’re creative.

Thoughtful gift-giving or doctoring a cup of ramen? That’s creativity! It can be as simple as changing your gym routine because you realized morning cardio isn’t working for you. Creativity is inherent in all people; sometimes we just need help identifying it.

When working with clients, I love tapping into creativity. It’s not about producing but experiencing things in new ways and allowing ourselves to be.

Joy

When I heard “don’t yuck someone else’s yum,” I literally shouted “YES!” Whether you believe in reincarnation or a one-trip life, I believe we’re all working toward joy. Some might say 42 is the answer to life, but to me, it’s joy—those moments of flow, bliss, or stillness.

It’s hard to reduce joy down to a single definition because it’s such a high level experience.

It’s deeply personal and nuanced. For some, it's that feeling seeing all the LEGO pieces neatly nolled into piles, just before you start to build. For others, it’s rocking their little ones to sleep in their arms. It can come through massive amounts of effort, like a rugged cross-country ride on your ‘86 Honda Rebel, or it can come with very little effort, like sitting on the porch watching golden hour dip into a beautiful purpley-peach sunset.

I help clients orient toward joy because if you don’t feel worthy of it or don’t think it’s important, you’ll miss it. Creativity ties into this too. Many are conditioned to hide what lights them up for fear of judgment. Coaching helps clients find their joy by creatively tapping into their definition of joy, without shame or preconceived notions.

I steer my own life toward honoring what brings me joy, without conditions on when I’m allowed to experience it.

Name Your Values

I could go on! There are so many compasses to choose from or add to our existing ones. Raising awareness about which values you’re living and actively choosing can help you feel aligned with your decisions. Hopefully, this little preview of my values inspires you to reveal your own.

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